i am a happy girl despite still far from complete for med chem and knowing coming med chem test is sure goner. i m happy coz ml lent me her backpack. she is terrific, willing to lend me her $300 backpack. althou i haven decide whether to bring it a not. see, i m easily contented. But i seem to have decided already .. Coz after talkin to bennie on friday and thinking logically .. It doesn't make sense to carry the big suitcase around since i need to move around for a few times .. I couldn't focus this few days coz my mind keep thinking wad to put in .. And i have already put some things in le .. Like tissue , poker card , uno cards , swiss knife , poncho ... recently, i am really unhappy with uni life and personal life. face getting blacker and mood getting more sucky.
was shocked to know how high-flyers pharm students r. 1st time getting b- .. Okie.. the lowest grade i got was fail and i used to have c5 for english, c5 for chemistry and physics for whole of sec 3. those lousy grades i have gotten made me set even lower standards for myself. weird huh. should be more motivated and set higher standards. of coz, i want better, no one in the right mind want lousier grades.
Lower standards meaning not aiming too far. eg 1.. i was laughed by classmates during sec 1 coz i was the only one who chose mayflower sec as my first choice of school. i wasn't exactly tat lousy in primary 6 (was within top 5 in my class) but i just knew i can't enter amkss. eg 2.. during my sec sch life, things got better (i mean results).. i seem to realize i can study and i am not brainless. got top 2 within the whole cohort for sec 2.. despite having a L1R5 of 10 for prelim, i told myself not to be too sad if i got 15 for olevels. heng ah.. i got 10. this time i aimed even lower, i thot i wasn't smart enough to study uni from jc..coz of the failure of my sis.. (still felt inferior to my sis, resulting in low confidence of myself) so i chose the poly route. I thot boring ziqin can stand lab life ... Wah .. After almost one year experience attachment in sgh ..It proves to me boring ppl definitly can't
Lab life .. It's super boring until ... So tat means i still don understand myself well all the way until poly .. I didn't know i like retail job where i get to interact with ppl .. It's just doesn't like and suit ziqin's character .. I m too quiet .. Tats y i actually like noisy and full of zest and life ppl .. Grass is always greener on another side .. And i hate the quiet side of me ..
Now, i set my goal low too..
I guess it's just a self-protecting mechanism. it is to avoid having great great disappointment. at least, if i set the goal low and i can achieve something much better, i will be really happy.
wad i hope in future? to have a happy family and unlike this one i am having. can it be achieved? well, i am not having too much hopes.
